Blinding Light
by kaiserin1792
Summary: “No! Please give me more time!” Edward said. Tears were running down his face. “Please Marie, give me more time!” Edward hugged Bella with all his might, knowing that this is the last time he will hug her for a very long time. AU AH
1. Light

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**A/N: I suggest you listen to "Wait There" by Yiruma for full effect, it's the lullaby I'm talking about.  
**

_Blinding Light_

She lay awake as the notes of an oddly familiar song wafted through the air thick with tension and uneasiness set by another expected nightmare.

The song brought waves of sadness that emanated from her heart. The words rang through her mind,

(One year ago, at the airport. April 1, 2008)

_"I love you". Three simple words that were said with such sincerity and truthfulness held no meaning for him. She wore her heart on her sleeve, hell, she even handed it out to him, only to be crushed by his callous hands. His laugh emanated throughout the room, and then he said the words that sealed her faith. _

_"You love me? hahahah, nice Bella, nice joke.__"_

_Tears were brimming in her eyes and blood pooled in her face. This, of course, was not ignored by his watchful eyes. _

_"You're serious?" He asked._

_"No, shit Sherlock." __**Does he think I'm joking? God, I never knew he could be so stupid**__._

_"Oh"_

_"Bella, I... um... I'm sorry I can't do this."__ He stuttered._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"I can't do this; I can't pretend to love you."_

_"What do you mean pretend? God dammit I never told you to say you love me too! God! I'm... stupid much." She whispered the last two words. _

_He instantly felt guilty as he saw the tears fell from his best friend's eye. Remorse flooded through his chest_. **I cant, I can't tell her how much I feel for her I'm not worthy; she deserves someone better, someone who's not going to live in Boston while she's in Forks. Someone needs to be there for her, and it won't be me. She needs to realize that we were not meant to be. I know time will heal her wound, but I'm not sure if mine will.**

_"I__ have to go. Goodbye Bella."_

_(End of flashback)_

The lullaby Edward gave her for her 17th birthday still played as she remembers the last time she saw him. Bella did not know that it will be the last time, for Edward, her love, was lost forever.

_(Flashback: March 31, 2009)_

**CALLER**: "_Hello, may I speak to Ms. Isabella Swan please."_

**BELLA**: "This is she, how may I help you?"

**CALLER**_: "Bella! This is Alice, have you heard the news?"_

**BELLA:** "What do you mean? What news?"

**CALLER:** _"Oh, god, how do I say this... Bella, Edward was involved in a drunk driving incident last Sunday..." _Alice's words were cut short by Bella's screaming_._

**BELLA:** "ALICE! I SWEAR IF THIS IS AN APRIL FOOL'S SHIT I'M SO GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!"

**C****ALLER:** _"Bella, will you please calm down, why would I joke about this? He's my brother for fuck's sake!" _

After a couple of moments

**BELLA: **"How is _he_ Alice?"

**CALLER:** _"I'm sorry Bella..."_

Bella dropped the phone.

_(End of flashback)_

Memories of Edward drifted in and out of her mind. Her sanity is slowly slipping away at each pass of a photographic memory of Edward's face.

Her lullaby stopped playing. It stopped playing for almost a minute, but in her mind it's still playing, and at each memory it plays faster, and faster and faster.

Bella abruptly stood up and made a bee line towards her CD player. She pushed the eject button harder than normal. She grasped her most precious CD with her two hands, her nails scratching the sensitive surface.

_"I can't do this, I__ can't pretend to love you."_

She broke the CD into two big pieces, bits of glass-like CD particles scattered on the floor, sparkling like glitter from the moonlight that shone from the window.

She dropped the big pieces of CD, the gift in which Edward poured his love onto, playing, recording her lullaby then burning it into a CD. He took his time writing the words "happy birthday" onto the CD using his best penmanship. He poured his love for Bella onto the CD; love that she never knew existed.

Bella went out of her house, taking time to avoid any noise so not to wake her father.

She stepped onto the pavement and into the pouring rain. She was soaked and freezing but she didn't felt it. She hardly knew it was raining. She just kept on walking until she reached the main road, then suddenly,

There was blinding light,

Then darkness.

**A/N: hehe, hello :) Thanks for reading this. Reviews are very much appreciated.**


	2. Tick, Tock, Your time is running out

**A/N: This is the second part. I hope you like it. =)**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight._**

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"Isabella" An old lady dressed in a gown so white, that it was almost blinding. Bella looked around her and noticed that she is not in Forks anymore. She didn't know where she is, but she sure is definitely not in Washington. Not only is there sunlight, but there's wild flowers everywhere. Colorful birds adorned the branches of some trees, and some are flying in the sky. Butterflies and bees flocked the flowers that were distributed throughout the meadow. The wonderful meadow was so beautiful that no landscape artist could ever make.

"Isabella" Bella was pulled out from her trance. The old lady dressed in white was suddenly familiar. She looked exactly like Charlie, only older. The old lady's rich mahogany tresses had grays in it. Recognition hit Bella like a ton of bricks.

"Nana Marie?" Nana Marie died when Bella was just eight years old. Marie used to stay at Charlie's house playing with Bella and keeping her company when Charlie had to work every time Bella spends summer at Forks. When Marie died, Bella was devastated, not only did she lost her grandmother, but she also lost one of her best friends.

"Nana, where am I? Why are you here?" More questions were forming in Bella's head.

"Honey, you were hit by a speeding truck." Marie said.

"Oh god. Charlie!? How is Charlie Nana?"

"Charlie will be fine. Sue is taking care of him."

"Nana, I've missed you so much." She hugged her grandmother.

"Bella, someone's here, looking for you."

"Who?"

"Bella" a velvety voice said.

"Edward!" Suddenly, Bella and Edward were alone in the meadow. Bella ran toward Edward and hugged him with all that she got. Edward reciprocated the hug and placed soft kisses on Bella's hair.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I was stupid, I was wrong, so, so wrong. I love you Bella, I have always loved you. I knew I was such a jerk in the airport but it's the only way, love. My family is going to live in Boston and I thought that you deserved someone better Bella, Someone who will be there for you, to catch you when you tripped, to calm you when you had nightmares at night, Someone who will do the things I can't do."

"But why did you tell me that you can't love me? Why didn't you just say that you love me but we can't have a relationship? I would have accepted it Edward. Why did you lie to me Edward?"

"I can't do that Bella, I was going away. I can't have you pinning for me and waiting for me to come back, you needed to move on with your life Bella, there was so much in store for you. There are other guys out the waiting for you, guys who are way much better than me. I'm sorry Bella."

"I can't be with other guys Edward. You're the only one I've ever loved."

"I'm sorry Bella, I'm sorry."

The back of Edward's hand grazed Bella's cheeks. He leaned onto her and placed his lips against hers. Their soft kiss grew more desperate, it was filled with longing and happiness. Edward pulled away and gazed onto Bella's eyes.

"Edward, it's time to go sweetheart." Nana Marie suddenly appeared.

"No! Please give me more time!" Edward said. Tears were running down his face. "Please Marie, give me more time!" Edward hugged Bella with all his might, knowing that this is the last time he will hug her for a very long time.

"Nana, what's happening? Where will you go?" Bella asked.

"Edward has to go now Isabella, he's been staying for so long." Marie said. "Edward, it's time."

Edward was pulled by some kind of force from Bella. He kept asking for more time, but he was only delaying the inevitable. A bright circular spot in the air was engulfing Edward. Edward outstretched his hand, as if he wants to grab Bella. Then he was gone.

"EDWARD!" Bella screamed. Then there was this blinding light again.

---------

"EDWARD! Don't leave me!" Bella sat abruptly on the hospital bed.

"Bella, Honey?! Does something hurt? Charlie, call the doctor, please."

"Renee?" Bella whispered.

"Bella darling, thank god you're okay."

Sobs wracked Bella's body. "It was…ju- just a dream mom, he's gone. Ed…Edward is gone!"

She felt piercing pain on her chest but she didn't care. Edward was gone. He came to say goodbye. The tiny sliver of hope in her heart that was once saying that they will be together forever was completely gone.

_He was gone._

**END**

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**A/N: Hello. So, what do you think about it? =) Reviews are appreciated. **


	3. Forever

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

A/N: So, this is the last chapter of this story. This chapter is sort of lighter than the other two..well, I think so. To all the Team Edwards out there, hang on, read until the end. You will see why ;]

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_We were two souls who found solace in each other._

_

* * *

_

After the accident, I was inconsolable. My parents tried everything to make me smile or just feel even just for a while. I love my parents, really, I do but their effort was not enough for me. I wanted Edward. Life is just not worth living without him. Or so I thought.

"I swear to God I've tried everything! We even have to force feed her Esme! She wouldn't eat, she won't talk to others. Esme where have I gone wrong? I know I'm not the best of mothers but I never thought that I'm this big of a failure." I can hear my mother's voice drifting from the kitchen. I guess she finally talked to Esme, as if that could help her.

_Esme, the mother of Edward, Edward, love, life, gone, over._

I pushed a pillow on my face, trying to muffle my cries. I don't want them to hear me crying again. My parents would just give me the sedative that the doctor prescribed and I'll fall asleep, and if I do, I'm sure I will have either nightmares of the accident, or dreams of Edward.

_I swear to God we've tried everything... Where have I gone wrong?__ I know I'm not the best of mothers but I never thought that I'm this big of a failure…Where have I gone wrong...I'm never thought I'm this big of a failure…failure…_

My mom's words keeps repeating in my head. She thinks she's a failure. She's not; she's the best mother in the world, really. Why can't they understand that I just wanted to just… _not feel_?

A new rip tore the piece that's left of my heart.

I remember yesterday when I saw my dad break down and cry on Billy's arms. I was coming down to get a glass of water because I can't stand the thirst. I was about to pass the living room when I heard my father's muffled cries in the living room. I took a peek on the living room and my heart is another kind of broken again. My father's head was on Billy's shoulder; Billy's arms were wrapped on my dad's shoulder, rubbing his back. My father was sobbing. I've never saw my father cry before. He was never the one for showing emotions, much less cry with another man present. The scene was heartbreaking it brought tears to my eyes too, my father crying in the arms of his best friend.

_"Shh Charlie, I know times are hard, especially with your daughter's depression but you have to stay strong Charlie, you have to… for Renee and especially for Bella. Your sweet little girl will be back, Charlie."_ Billy said. I caused my father to cry. I tried to stifle my sobs.

My father stood up, wiped his face and said _"Sorry Bill, it's just… I can't take it anymore, I tried keeping it all inside you know? Never show my emotions, just try to keep up this façade that I'm strong and keep my mask on as my wife cries, as my daughter screams in the middle of the night because she fell asleep and had another nightmare. I know she loves that boy, and I also hurt when he went away, because my little girls hurting too you know? But it breaks my heart to see her wasting her life away. It's been a year Billy! She lost so much weight, she never smiles and her eyes are always red because every time she thinks of him she cries. It is killing me and it is killing Renee too. It seems we've lost our daughter too. What's left here is just a shell of what she's been. I know we're not rich and we're just living a simple life, but damn Billy, I would give everything just to see my baby girl smile again."_

That did it. I ran to my room and hid under the covers.

I cried all night yesterday, but I didn't cry out of grief for Edward. I cried for my family. I cried as I try to think of all the pain I've caused them. Nobody tried to console me last night and I can hear my mother crying in the room across form mine.

So to hear my mother saying that she's a failure is like feeling a bucket of cold water splash on me. What am I doing? _It's been a year and I know that Edward loves me, he told me so. Edward is gone. Whatever I do he'll never come back. _Tears ran down my eyes as I accept the fact that he will never be back. _But my parents are still here. They're all I have left and I'm causing them so much pain and if there's a lesson I've learned this past year is that life is too short, you got to have to live it to the fullest. _I swore from now on that I'll make my parents happy. I won't cause them to cry tears again. I'll try to live my life to the fullest, but I know that I'll never love another again as much as I loved Edward. I'll change and try to be happy again, and I'll start now. Grieving is over. I hope so.

I cleaned my room after resolving to make myself and my parents happy, well not really clean since I still haven't got rid of the dust atop my desk but I picked up all the things that are strewed on the floor, placed litters on a corner and made a mental note to put it in a trash bag later and fixed my bed. I can smell dinner from my room and looked at the wall clock and saw that it's not working anymore. I guess they forgot to change the batteries. My mantra keeps repeating in my head _"Life is too short, stop dwelling on things that you can't have anymore, instead cherish what you have now"_ The mantra is like my lifeline now. I hope it keeps me moving.

I went down and I heard my parents in the kitchen. It should be dinner time by now, they must be eating. I hesitated from the kitchen entrance, not really knowing if I'm allowed to enter anymore, it's silly, really as I've lived in this house all my life but I felt as if I'm a stranger and I don't know if they'll continue to eat once they saw me. I don't want to disturb them.

"Bella? What's wrong sweetie? Are you hungry? Thirsty? Do you want to eat? Come here, eat, I've made spaghetti. " My mom stood up and got a plate of spaghetti for me. My dad is looking at me as if I'll suddenly burst out crying any minute. He really looks worried. My mom placed a plate of spaghetti on the table and motioned for me to eat. I sat down and noticed that they were both looking worried and that they were looking at me. I picked up my fork and ate. The spaghetti tastes different, sort of bland, but I guess this can be attributed to the fact that its been a long time since I've ate real food, if you know what I mean.

"It tastes delicious mom." I said. My parents both gave out sighs of relief. I felt guilty once again. We continued eating silently. Halfway through my meal I felt full. I stopped eating and my dad noticed it.

"Is something wrong Bella?" my father asked.

"No dad, I'm just full." My parents sighed in relief again.

When my parents finished eating I stood up and started picking up the dishes and went to put it on the sink. I saw my parents froze and looked at me incredulously.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing, we're just, um, surprised." My dad said. My mom stood up and said "I'll take that Bella"

"No, mom, I'll do it." I said and proceeded to wash the dishes.

After I finished, I went to sit across my parents on the table and started apologizing.

"Mom, dad, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, for everything."

My parents suddenly shot out of their seats and enclosed me in a bear hug. My father kissed my head. My mother was crying silently.

"I'm sorry I've dragged you into this. I'm sorry for making you cry, for hurting you. I'm so selfish" I'm already blubbering now. I hope they understand me.

"I was so selfish!" I cried. "I was only thinking about myself, about my hurt. I didn't know that I was hurting you deeply too. I hope you can forgive me. I'll do anything, I swear, I just want us to be happy again. I love you mom, dad."

"I love you too Bella, You don't have to ask for forgiveness, you were hurting too. We just want you to be happy. I just want my Bells back." My dad said.

"I'm back now, dad. I'll do anything for us to be happy again."

"Oh Isabella" My mother said. And we stood there, in our tiny kitchen, huggled together and crying.

I slept in my parent's room that night.

* * *

I kept my word and tried to be happy. Even though I can feel the hurt from Edward's demise at times I try to stifle it with thoughts of my parents, how they are so happy right now because I'm back, and thoughts of my family laughing is now enough to cover the hurt in my heart.

I went back to school and got a degree on Education. I didn't finish with honors but my grades were quite good and it was enough to make my parents immensely happy.

I am now a first grade teacher and it is the first day of school. I'm feeling a mixture of excitement and nervousness. _What if the kids don't like me? What if I can't get them to behave… No, I can do this. Stop being negative Bella, You can do this. _I can do this. God, it's like first day of kindergarten again.

The kids started entering the classroom and took their seats. I arranged the chairs and desks in to a semi-circle formation facing the blackboard so that the kids could somehow feel at ease, as it is not your usual desk arrangement.

"Hello kids, I'm Miss Swan and I'll be your teacher." I said in my cheery voice and tried so hard not to look nervous.

"Hello Miss Swan!" the children said.

"Okay kids, since it's the first day of school and most of us don't know each other, I'll ask you to stand here in front and introduce yourselves. You could also tell us what you like and what you don't like. Okay kids?" They nodded. "Okay, I'll start. My name is Isabella Swan, My friends call me Bella and I like chocolates. Okay who's next?" No hands shot up to volunteer. Okay, looks like I'll just have to choose.

"Why don't we start from this side and we'll go through until we reach the other side? Okay, you can start" I said to a cute chubby blonde boy.

The last student was a boy. He looks like to be of native Indian descent. He must be the kid from the reservation near Forks, La Push, Seth Black.

"Hello, my name is Seth. I live in La Push." That was all he said. The kid looks sad, really. He looks like he has no energy.

"What are your likes Seth?" I asked, hoping to make the boy feel at ease somehow.

"I like wolfs." He said. Some of the boys said "Cool".

After school I saw Seth standing near the school entrance, looking longingly at the children who were playing in the playground.

"Why don't you join them Seth?" I said. The kid suddenly jumped up "Sorry I startled you." I chuckled.

"It's okay Miss Swan." He said and continued looking at the kids in the playground.

"What are you doing standing here anyway?" I asked?

"I'm waiting for my dad." He said. The kid's eyes were sad. I wanted to go home but I don't have the heart to leave him here alone. So I decided to talk to him.

Turns out Seth's mom just died a month ago, and all he has left is just his dad. I asked what he wanted to be when he grows up and he told me he wanted to be a surfer like his dad. He was born in Hawaii and lived there up until his mother died. They are now living with his grandfather.

"What's you grandpa's name Seth?" I asked, feeling like I already know the answer.

"Billy" He said. I knew it! I knew there's something familiar about this kid. He looks just like Jacob, Billy's son and my childhood friend who went to Hawaii with his mother and sisters when Billy and their mom got divorced.

"And your father must be Jacob?" I asked. His eyes got big.

"You know my dad?"

"Yes, he and I used to be friends when we were kids, but I haven't seen him for so long."

"Here comes my dad! Daddy!" He said excitedly. A tall and muscular man came walking to us. Jake looks nothing like the little boy I played with before.

"Hey Buddy! How was school?" Jacob said.

"It was okay. Hey dad, here is my teacher, Miss Swan, she says she was your friend before." Seth said.

"Swan? As in Bella Swan?" Jacob said, recognizing me.

"Yeah, Jacob, its been so long, how are you?" I said. Jacob suddenly engulfed me in a hug.

"Wow Bella, I can't believe it's you! Look at you all grown up! " He said smiling widely.

"Yeah Jakey, look at _you!_" I said laughing.

"Well, times have changed," Jacob said grinning.

_Times have changed indeed. _

_

* * *

_

Jacob and I's friendship rekindled and after two years, we started dating. I'll admit that I'm slowly falling for Jacob. He slowly healed my heart, but still I know that I'll never love him as much as I've loved Edward. I know that Edward must be happy for me now, even though I found happiness in the arms of another man. Jacob told me all about Leah, his wife and how they met, up until she died. I told Jacob all about Edward and how I love him, even though he is gone. I told Jacob that even though I love him, Edward will always be in my heart. Jacob seems relieved.

"I'll admit I'm feeling quite guilty." He said,

"Why?"

"I really haven't forgotten Leah, she's my first love you know. I still love her even though I love you." He said.

"I know we love each other, but still there's someone who's in our hearts. I know Leah will always be the queen of your heart, as Edward is the king of mine and I will never try to steal Leah's spot in your heart." I said.

Isn't it funny? We were two hearts whose souls were lost and we found solace in each other.

* * *

After our confessions, we decided not to get married. We were still friends, but special friends are all we ever could be. I moved in to the house next to theirs but most of the time I'm in their household helping Seth and Jacob and cooking for them sometimes. I became Seth's mother figure and he became my surrogate son. Jacob and I both saw Seth finish college, got married and have his first child, and now, as I lay in my deathbed, my family – Seth, his wife and Jacob surrounding me, I came to the fact that I have done my best to live my life the way I wanted it to. I've made my parents happy, I guided and nourished my "son" for all intents and purposes Seth and found happiness with Jacob. There's life and happiness after losing the person you love the most, you just got to work hard to see it. I also learned that there are different kinds of love, that even though I love Edward so much, I still managed to love Seth and Jacob.

I'm waiting for Edward to get me now, so that we could be together for eternity.

* * *

"Come, my love." Edward said.

I took his hand and followed him into the meadow where Charlie, Renee, Grandma Marie and Leah stood waiting for me.

"Welcome to Forever, Bella" The love of my life said.

And we lived happily ever after in Forever.


End file.
